This Is Not About Jon Stewart

Despite the dearth of press coverage (the weather having soaked up most of the available ink and air time), most of you will have learned by now that I did not, in fact, get the Jon Stewart job.

I realize that my readers will want to know the full story, so here goes:

My agent at William Morris, Ari Emanuel, suggested that I “take a meeting” (agents really do talk like that) at Comedy Central, so I caught the red-eye from BOS to LGA and headed down to their studios on Manhattan’s Lower West Side.

The interview did not go well; largely, I believe, because of the linguistic barrier created by the roughly 60 year age difference between their HR VP and myself.

He started out by saying that “all you people with actual journalistic experience think you can handle this job. This is not just about ‘fake news’, bro, Fox has already got that covered.

Also, you have to be able to convincingly simulate righteous indignation, on cue. This isn’t journalism, dude, it’s acting!

And, finally, you actually have to be Jewish. A cultural tradition of kvetching is a prerequisite for the job. Your just looking Jewish doesn’t hack it, nor does casually dropping colorful Yiddish expressions into your blog.”

The interview obviously wasn’t going anywhere, so at this point I excused myself to use the men’s room, and never went back.

I’m confident that my agent, Ari, will quickly sign another client, especially if his brother Rahm decides to take a run at the White House.

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