SANDWICH – The town was abuzz this week with word from usually reliable Washington sources that the White House was about to issue an executive order barring the construction of a zip line at Heritage Museums and Gardens.
Described as an “aerial adventure park”, the project has been the subject of considerable local controversy since it was first announced, but the matter had seemed to have been put to bed by the recent go-ahead ruling by the zoning board of appeals..
Simeon Snively, president of Tarzan Lives!, the video game company contracted to design and construct the project, said, “This is typical of big-government fun-police interfering in the free exercise of constitutional property rights by those who got there first. Of course this attraction will create traffic jams in the summer, that’s why it’s called an attraction! We believe that such minor inconveniences are more than offset by the creation of the one full-time and 11 part-time jobs being generated by the project. Furthermore, we have tenders from fifteen fast-food franchises anxious to occupy the food court we’ll be bringing to Heritage once the adventure park is in place.”
Queried about this unprecedented outreach into a local issue by the federal government, the White House declined to comment.